Ok, here it goes. I’ve held out for so long that I am quite proud of myself. One of the most difficult things about life is people. Ever heard the saying, “If it weren’t for people, I’d be a people person”? Honestly, I know that is a cop-out, but who cares?
Actually I care very much.
Over this summer, a bomb was dropped in my lap that I had no idea existed. I’m not gonna lie, I have had a couple of situations over the last couple of years that frankly weren’t fair. If we were to present theses cases in a court of law, it would prove that; but of course we can’t. These aren’t crimes broken within our government, these are personal crimes. Crimes, it seems, that go unpunished. They are the kind of crimes I really want to know, ”What I am supposed to learn?” These crimes I want to grab by the shoulders and say, “Why me?” Again, that’s not how life works…
Honestly I want to be unkind. I want to be so unkind, but WWJD. Ugh. I hate when someone asks me that. What would Jesus do, Jenah? How would He respond? What would He say?
Again, I wanna cop-out, “I’m not Jesus.”
I have never been more confused or caught off guard as I was a couple of months ago. If this was over and done with and the situation had been handled correctly, then today I would say, “The words had weight and I had something to learn.” Instead of learning a lesson, I was left without a friend. Ever had someone walk away from you simply because they couldn’t handle you anymore?
I understand this happens in marriage all the time, hence the reason for divorce, but usually both parties know there is a problem.
Why bring it up Jenah? Why publicly put it up for the world to read? Because I need to address it before I can move on. Let it go and allow healing to begin. I’m a confrontational person. Like it or not, I always have been. If I feel like something’s not right, I wanna know what happened and I wanna fix it. I want to make it better. Especially if I caused it! So, that’s what I did. I had noticed for a couple of weeks that everything didn’t seem kosher…so, my questions began… “Have I done something to offend you? Are we ok? Why are you acting like this?” These are honest questions that I would ask anyone. Anyone I thought cared enough about me to tell me what was going on. I wasn’t prepared for the response because with it brought attack after attack after attack..
So, we go from long extensive emails, to bringing other people in on the drama, to even longer fb messages.. and the end result? I was unfriended and blocked on fb.
Why does this bother me so? I see this person every single week! Every week I am faced by someone that decided one day that they no longer like me – how I act, what I say, or how I react to situations. They simply decided that I was no longer worth it. Gosh, does that hurt. I mean seriously! When you think you’ve got a friend. When you have trusted that person. When they all of the sudden are “over it”
I have wrestled with my anger and resentment. I want to be the person you can count on. No matter what happens! If you need a friend, let me be that friend! At the end of the day, I want my gravestone to read “Friend to the End” or “Darn good friend” or “Friend of friends” or “Most beautiful person in the world”.. Ok, I’m sorry. I totally got off subject!
And, again, I hear WWJD.
Counsel says to love as Christ would. When I even begin to try and do that, I am overwhelmed at the price Christ paid! To love without love in return is a very great sacrifice!
While I would like to say I have been doing exactly what Jesus would do, sadly I cannot . I think for now I want to learn lessons from this whole experience. I want to let go of anger, resentment, and hurt, and I want to move on. Writing this all out is helping me heal. Helping me accept and helping me do what Jesus would. Even if it’s a baby step each and every day.. it is progress.