Post Partum Pound Depression

The other day my husband walks in the room and loudly proclaims, “Hey, I lost 10 lbs!!!”, to which I sarcastically replied, “Well, good for you.”  Should I be happy for my husband? Probably… So, why didn’t I say, “great job, Babe”? Hmmm, let me see now… because he did nothing to lose the weight; it just fell off. This is me talking to you 11 weeks after popping my bundle of joy out. Do I love my Little Bear? With all of my heart! But the process to get him here was such a long one, and let me tell you, I am still having complications.

I would like to be able to say that I jumped back in my jeans 2 1/2 months after having a baby, but I just can’t. So, I am spending every waking moment trying to make different outfits out of what little clothes I have that do fit me….ok, not every waking moment, but it is getting hard to get dressed to go out. I wanna scream sometimes, no I don’t wanna wear those leggings again!  I went shopping for the first time about a month after the birth of my son, and I sat in the fitting room and cried. I had picked all of the wrong sizes, and when I went back the second time, I still had not grabbed the right size!

So, they say you should gain around 25-35lbs. I took this into consideration and gained 40! Maybe it was because everyone kept saying,” I didn’t know you were pregnant. You look great!” ? Or maybe it was because I heard over and over again you will lose half the weight you gained almost immediately, between having the baby and breast feeding. Let me go ahead and let you know that information is false! Don’t believe them, they hate you, they just want to cause you pain…. I am teasing of course, but in all honesty, the pounds I lost equaled how much my son and the placenta weighed!

So, around 9 weeks after having my child, I started working out with a friend and dieting. Three times a week for an HOUR AND A HALF we bust our butts… No seriously, every single time she pulls in the driveway I start hyperventilating because I know what is about to come…just kidding! The workout is pure insanity, and the next day, I just wanna curl up into the fetal position and stay there….

This morning I stepped on the scale, and I couldn’t really help the angry tears… the number hasn’t moved….That awful number that haunts me in my sleep … the number that is written on the mirror when I step into a fitting room… that number that chants in my ears every time I get ready…. It was there… How could this be? I only cheated on my diet three days while my best friend was in town. Why is this happening to me? Why can’t it at least be that number minus 1?

So, there you have it. I am a failure to the human race (for some reason I am having a marvelous time being so dramatic today). I don’t necessarily feel that way. I am a little disappointed today. I have had to change a few eating habits as well as not watch food network and fast forward scenes with people eating food on my favorite shows… I basically eat grass and drink water( not true) Gosh! Why? Why am I forced to be this ridiculous number for the rest of my life??? jk

I am bound and determined to not only lose the weight, but to successfully lose inches and burn unwanted fat. I can do this. I will do this….

Before baby..purpledots

After Baby…734677_515961518435983_517646986_n

I WILL CHANGE THAT NUMBER…I WILL!!!